New Year's is a great time to stop and reflect over the year. Think about the successes and consider the things you would have changed. And also it is a perfect time to make some resolutions about what you are going to go into the new year determined to do. So here is my list, first, of the
memories/successes of 2011 and, second, a list of the hopes/dreams for next year.
2011 reflection:
Obviously my greatest success was the birth of our daughter Alexis Eliana Israel Molander born Oct 18.
Also I was priveleged to homeschool Christopher this fall and really watch him grow and learn so much.
I greatly enjoyed Tucson Arizona and find out how much I actually did enjoy being a nurse.
I got to work in a urology clinic and was able to really increase a lot of my skills and work with some very amazing doctors and nurses.
2012- My Bucket LIST
1. Go to a country Ive never been to
2. Get Alexis a passport and use it to go on a international mission trip with the family.
3. Jason graduate nursing school and me finish my RN once and for all.
4. Kiss Jason everyday.(oassionately)
5. See Alexis's first steps and hear her first words.
6. Take Christopher on a living history tour of the East Coast.
Other things that I want to do on a daily basis"
Lose 40 pounds. Losing about 2 pounds a week.
Eat a salad a day and eat more healthy.
Begin studying theology more.
Write more.
Teach Christopher Spanish.
Well, thats not an all inclusive list but it is a great start..............
Happy New YEAR! 2012 BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Cant believe its almost Christmas!!!!
Well our beautiful daughter was born October 18th 2011. Her name is Alexis Eliana Israel Molander. And I cant imagine life without her now. Christopher and her already have a special bond. He adores her. She coos at him and he just talks so sweetly to her.
In the last week I have noticed how much she is following me. She lights up when she sees Jason Christopher or I. She is a little cuddle bear. I nicknamed her LEXIBEAR. She is just so adorable. Time is going so fast with her. Jason is in school and doing quite well. I honestly think he is going to be a better nurse than I am. Its amazing how he has let God direct him. We are excited to serve together as nurses someday on the mission field. Christopher is doing great with homeschooling. I think I am quite hard on him, or rather strict with him. I constantly challenge him and set the bar quite high for him. Some days he doesnt enjoy that from me, which I completely understand, but also I am so amazed at how smart he is. When I teach him something he really gets it. I have been teaching him lots of science since that is my expertise and he really remembers it. We took him to the bodies exhibit and I taught him about circulatory system. Well today Jason had a procedure done and had to have an IV. The nurse was talking with Chris and he explained to her about INFILTRATION. I was amazed. He was saying how the fluid had to go in the veins and then circulate through the heart. If it wasnt in the vein it would go into the tissue/skin around it. AMAZING. Hes always creating and thinking and building. He is getting really good at reading which is his greatest battle. I try to be patient and I know sometimes I am not, but he is really making great strides. I love listening to him read when he really gets it.
So what else is new ( i know I am just rambling but nobody reads this but me anyways, hehe)...
I was accepted into an advance standing nursing program for January. I jumped at the opportunity but now I am pulling back a little to get clarity. I want to make sure this is best for my family. Part of me is just content to be at home all the time with Christopher and Alexis and I dont want to go through more school and then other parts of me is screaming go for it because in the long term what it would mean for my family. I have to weigh if it is worth it to go to school overlapping with Jason for four months and having to have Christopher and Alexis in school and daycare. Im a bit overprotective to say the least. I will continue to pray about this and talk it over with Jason.
When I think of going to school, I start dreaming again about what life has in store for us, or rather what God has in store for us....its super exciting. I regret the fact that I took a mental and emotional sagway from those plans God had for me....some sort of character building that I never knew was so needed in my life. Ive been through emotional bootcamp....but now I feel unyieldingly undistracted for the mission at hand.
Being in Iowa is a time of calmness.....a time of preparation...and hopefully a time for family connection/reconnection.
Im excited for our time in Iowa. We are going to a cool church called Rhythm which I feel has a good balance of discipleship and service. As a seasoned Christian I feel that both are so necessary so as not to become lukewarm or stagnant.
Well, this email was a hodgepodge of just catching up (not very well) but from this point on I do want to use this blog again to dialogue about God, faith, life and dreams.
After being pregnant for nine months which was physically very grueling on me, I am starting to feel like myself again and one of my great loves is writing. I cant communicate very well in person but on paper somehow I feel my jumbled ramblings really make sense (at least to me) and I hope someday could be used to touch others peoples lives and be instrumental to their faith journey.
Next week we are going on a mission trip to Minneapolis with the Stone family and I am excited to set aside that time. I need to pour into the Word so that when the time comes I can share a WORD with someone that really is ready to receive it.
Thank you God for using me even when I am so unworthy...........
Your daughter
Krissy
One last thing, which is very personal, but I must put it down. I think that I am going to try and find a good Christian mental health counselor. I have realized that hidden things in my past show their face sometimes in my daily adult life and it scares me because I want to not act upon and react in a way that has lasting impact that is in anyway harmful to myself or my family. I hated counselors when I was little and never saw the point of them...but now I am going to pray that God will find me someone I can talk to and who might be able to help me settle my past junk so as not to hinder me from my future with my lovely children and perfect husband. I dont want to sabatoge anything. I noticed I have a lot of insecurities that lead me to make bad decisions and I have a lot of anger (learned I think from what I always saw), I think so depression which people say is anger turned inward......anywho, I am finally able to say this not thinking I am a weak person for needing to seek counseling. And of course my number one mentor will be JESUS and I will pray that the HOLY SPIRIT will dwell in me and renew, transform, and mold me so my past is not my future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Amen.
In the last week I have noticed how much she is following me. She lights up when she sees Jason Christopher or I. She is a little cuddle bear. I nicknamed her LEXIBEAR. She is just so adorable. Time is going so fast with her. Jason is in school and doing quite well. I honestly think he is going to be a better nurse than I am. Its amazing how he has let God direct him. We are excited to serve together as nurses someday on the mission field. Christopher is doing great with homeschooling. I think I am quite hard on him, or rather strict with him. I constantly challenge him and set the bar quite high for him. Some days he doesnt enjoy that from me, which I completely understand, but also I am so amazed at how smart he is. When I teach him something he really gets it. I have been teaching him lots of science since that is my expertise and he really remembers it. We took him to the bodies exhibit and I taught him about circulatory system. Well today Jason had a procedure done and had to have an IV. The nurse was talking with Chris and he explained to her about INFILTRATION. I was amazed. He was saying how the fluid had to go in the veins and then circulate through the heart. If it wasnt in the vein it would go into the tissue/skin around it. AMAZING. Hes always creating and thinking and building. He is getting really good at reading which is his greatest battle. I try to be patient and I know sometimes I am not, but he is really making great strides. I love listening to him read when he really gets it.
So what else is new ( i know I am just rambling but nobody reads this but me anyways, hehe)...
I was accepted into an advance standing nursing program for January. I jumped at the opportunity but now I am pulling back a little to get clarity. I want to make sure this is best for my family. Part of me is just content to be at home all the time with Christopher and Alexis and I dont want to go through more school and then other parts of me is screaming go for it because in the long term what it would mean for my family. I have to weigh if it is worth it to go to school overlapping with Jason for four months and having to have Christopher and Alexis in school and daycare. Im a bit overprotective to say the least. I will continue to pray about this and talk it over with Jason.
When I think of going to school, I start dreaming again about what life has in store for us, or rather what God has in store for us....its super exciting. I regret the fact that I took a mental and emotional sagway from those plans God had for me....some sort of character building that I never knew was so needed in my life. Ive been through emotional bootcamp....but now I feel unyieldingly undistracted for the mission at hand.
Being in Iowa is a time of calmness.....a time of preparation...and hopefully a time for family connection/reconnection.
Im excited for our time in Iowa. We are going to a cool church called Rhythm which I feel has a good balance of discipleship and service. As a seasoned Christian I feel that both are so necessary so as not to become lukewarm or stagnant.
Well, this email was a hodgepodge of just catching up (not very well) but from this point on I do want to use this blog again to dialogue about God, faith, life and dreams.
After being pregnant for nine months which was physically very grueling on me, I am starting to feel like myself again and one of my great loves is writing. I cant communicate very well in person but on paper somehow I feel my jumbled ramblings really make sense (at least to me) and I hope someday could be used to touch others peoples lives and be instrumental to their faith journey.
Next week we are going on a mission trip to Minneapolis with the Stone family and I am excited to set aside that time. I need to pour into the Word so that when the time comes I can share a WORD with someone that really is ready to receive it.
Thank you God for using me even when I am so unworthy...........
Your daughter
Krissy
One last thing, which is very personal, but I must put it down. I think that I am going to try and find a good Christian mental health counselor. I have realized that hidden things in my past show their face sometimes in my daily adult life and it scares me because I want to not act upon and react in a way that has lasting impact that is in anyway harmful to myself or my family. I hated counselors when I was little and never saw the point of them...but now I am going to pray that God will find me someone I can talk to and who might be able to help me settle my past junk so as not to hinder me from my future with my lovely children and perfect husband. I dont want to sabatoge anything. I noticed I have a lot of insecurities that lead me to make bad decisions and I have a lot of anger (learned I think from what I always saw), I think so depression which people say is anger turned inward......anywho, I am finally able to say this not thinking I am a weak person for needing to seek counseling. And of course my number one mentor will be JESUS and I will pray that the HOLY SPIRIT will dwell in me and renew, transform, and mold me so my past is not my future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Amen.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
When you busy living life its hard to pause and post a blog post!
I am now 36 weeks pregnant with our little baby girl. Jason is in school at Ellsworth, returning to nursing school, this time determined to finish before our next adventure.
I love this new season in our life. Jason and I are that cozy couple and in a place where we dont have to do much of anything too exciting (although an exciting adventure is always days away) and we just enjoy each other company so much. We've just laughed a lot lately together. WE tease each other like young kids and remininse about past expereince like an 80 year old couple. Its just so beautiful to be married to my best friend. This pregnancy has taken a toll on me physically. I am abnormally sluggish and in pain a lot, especially at night time. It is a very vulnerable thing for me to be so weak, but I have fallen more deeply in love with Jason as he is trying to comfort me. He is so excited to have a daughter. He loves her so much already.
Christopher is a constant joy to my life and to Jason. I am homeschooling him. Selfishly I didnt want him to be in school all day and miss out on all his learning. He is amazingly smart. I am enjoying watching him learn to read and really get certain content. We go on field trips every week. He is learning so much and also he is really happy. That is such a blessing to see and experience. I adore him. He has such a great heart. He loves Jesus and he prays everyday for his sister, even though he prayed for a brother. He breings a smile to my face all the time. I cant wait to see him interacting with his sister and seeing the joy that they are going to bring to each others lives and to us. Jason and I are beyond blessed.
I am currently trying to figure out about going back to school to get my RN. Jason really wants me to do that. I have been working on it online for sometime but am really burnt out on that. But also I do not want to miss out on any time with Christopher or my new baby girl.
Well ive rambled enough, capture just a little of this exact time in my life. In a short month, so much more great things to share.
I am now 36 weeks pregnant with our little baby girl. Jason is in school at Ellsworth, returning to nursing school, this time determined to finish before our next adventure.
I love this new season in our life. Jason and I are that cozy couple and in a place where we dont have to do much of anything too exciting (although an exciting adventure is always days away) and we just enjoy each other company so much. We've just laughed a lot lately together. WE tease each other like young kids and remininse about past expereince like an 80 year old couple. Its just so beautiful to be married to my best friend. This pregnancy has taken a toll on me physically. I am abnormally sluggish and in pain a lot, especially at night time. It is a very vulnerable thing for me to be so weak, but I have fallen more deeply in love with Jason as he is trying to comfort me. He is so excited to have a daughter. He loves her so much already.
Christopher is a constant joy to my life and to Jason. I am homeschooling him. Selfishly I didnt want him to be in school all day and miss out on all his learning. He is amazingly smart. I am enjoying watching him learn to read and really get certain content. We go on field trips every week. He is learning so much and also he is really happy. That is such a blessing to see and experience. I adore him. He has such a great heart. He loves Jesus and he prays everyday for his sister, even though he prayed for a brother. He breings a smile to my face all the time. I cant wait to see him interacting with his sister and seeing the joy that they are going to bring to each others lives and to us. Jason and I are beyond blessed.
I am currently trying to figure out about going back to school to get my RN. Jason really wants me to do that. I have been working on it online for sometime but am really burnt out on that. But also I do not want to miss out on any time with Christopher or my new baby girl.
Well ive rambled enough, capture just a little of this exact time in my life. In a short month, so much more great things to share.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Nursing, Baby, Mission Preparation, and Family and Friends
This is our last Sunday in Tucson for awhile. This chapter in our life has come to a close. It has been an amazing adventure the past year. We put our original plans of medical missions on hold for about a year because Jason and I felt really called to go and serve children hurting in the US due to abuse and neglect. We spent the first six months in South Texas working at a Childrens home helping to start a mother baby program. We were blessed to become instant parents to a one year old boy, a one year old girl, a two year old girl, a newborn, a 15 year old girl, a 17 year old girl, and a 18 year old girl. We had a rollercoaster of ups and downs in our home as we tried to become a family with these severely hurting and broken kids as well and with the ministry. We were disheartened to find out that the director was leaving only one month after coming on board. We really had to seek GOD and depend on HIM. We went through an investigation, which ended in our favor. We lost several friends in our short time. But we were there for a SEASON and FOR a REASON. We still have connections with our girls. We left, sad and feeling a little defeated. But we did not feel like our time serving these kids was over, so we moved over to another ministry that serves kids in the CPS system, that is how we ended in Tucson.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Wow! I havent taken the time to write on this blog for awhile. I believe I was just waiting to have something memorable to write...something significant.....
We finished up our full time ministry with GAP MINISTRIES at the end of APRIL. It was amazing working for such a ministry. We served CPS kids in a group home setting.
We were touched deeply by many of their stories and lives. I cant really write about the specifics of our times with these children for privacy reasons.
I remember sitting down with Jason last spring talking about where God was leading us next. We prayerfully decided to give the next year to GOD....whatever that might be...even if it really wasnt what we would do for the rest of our lives.....so we decided to become fulltime child care providers, first at SUNNY GLEN and then at GAP MINISTRIES. I know it was a rich growing time for Jason and I. We were blessed to watch our son live side by side some very hurting kids. I think he wont fully realize the seeds that GOD placed in his heart now but I really feel that eternal seeds were planted in his life that is going to make him a powerful man of GOD with a compassionate heart for those less fortunate. As a couple I was really proud of us, in a humble way(hehe). I just saw how God placed us together because we were called TOGETHER!!!!!Ive had some internal struggles this past year and I have had some seriously awful out of NORMAL body and spirit experiences. I devastatingly surprised myself but I am so thankful for GODs mercy and grace and patience.......I am so thankful to GOD for my wonderful husband....Hes so perfect that I take it for granted sometimes.
So we gave a year to something not really focused on us....and it required some sacrifice....financially, time wise...etc....but the eternal and spiritual reward is great.
Now we are in a new season....cant really term it yet....but I am very excited.
In the beginning of March I started feeling realy sick and found out I was INDEED pregnant. This was a major surprise.....both kind of thought it wasnt possible....since we hadnt prevented anything for about two years......
Now I am 17 almost 18 weeks pregnant.....I feel sick all the time...and cant be my normal energetic conquer the world self.....Jason thinks I am annoyingly QUIET..hehe!!! He is so great though...been taking care of me....never got so much attention....maybe Im onto something....no...JK.....I love how naturally he loves me....and does anything to help me out....I think of that song that Jessica Simpson sang after she married whats-his-name from 98 degrees (wow that doesnt age me at all) and she sang ......I CAN WEAR MY HAIR DOWN.....thats how I feel....Im comfortable...ya know....hes still loves me even when I look my worst......but how much more romantic are those other times....knowing you are with the one who has seen it all...and still adores you. Im starting to really grasp all that God intended marriage to be......and Im so excited to spend my life with this man, Jason Michael Alan Molander.....Ive already had 13 great years with him. I met him as a girl.....who worked at FAREWAY pushing carts.....hed come and pick me up in his Cavalier from work or school....because I didnt even drive back then.....wed go to the EAST PARK....walk around, read the BIBLE....talk about nothing......and some how...that was the foundation the rest of my wonderful life was built upon.....IVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIM more and more every year since then......I think Ive been stupid sometimes because noone every really loved me like he has....and so I think i tried to sabotage things sometimes...life really cant be this good can it...I complicated things.....why I dont know.
We have raised the most wonderful son ever.....he is so beautiful.....carries the heart of his daddy and the spirit of his mommy......and now we get the joy of another.....
Our life doesnt have to be exciting....just sitting on the couch watching AFV laughing with me makes my day......but LIFE IS REALLY exciting....I see all that God is going to be doing in our lives in the next few years..........
Heres my bucketlist......im not planning on leaving life yet...but these are some of the great things I feel like God has out on our hearts to do.
1. Welcome our new baby October 2011
2. Jason will be going back to school January 2012, finishing November 2012
3. Mission and spiritual retreat to Belize (TURTLE SHORES)
4. Mission and language training to Costa Rica (CISA)
5. Mission to Nicaragua (PVM)
6. Summer in Philippines with family (Mercy Maternity)
7. YWAM CROSS ROADS TRAINING - colorado springs or Tyler tx
8. YWAM missions - PERTH australia
9. Seminary
10. Medical School in the tropics to learn how to give best jungle medical treatment possible.
11. Have my children enrolled in international mission schools and travel the world with them.
12. Take my husband to ALASKA on another honeymoon.
Ambitious...I hope this list is just a TASTE of all that my family will endeavor to do......
Praise: God I thank you for my job and the training I am recieiving......
Prayer: Please protect the little life growing inside me...Im a midwife and I know all that is happening inside me...but I still worry about the development of my baby. Please give me the strength to safely and beautifully deliever my baby naturally...I really would like to give birth at home.....help me to apply all I learned as a midwife to safely and peacefully bring new life from my body into this world.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
new life
I loved welcoming new life as a midwife..being the first hands to touch new life..but how much more of a blessing to watch the spiritual birth of one of these kids we are working with here at Gap...today I witnessed as one of our girls walked up to the altar to give her heart to the Lord. I was in awe...in wonder..thank you Lord for this opportunity to be a witness of these miracles.
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Sunday, January 16, 2011
dear me, I can hardly see right now.....was unpacking and found a card from someone very previous to me....why in some form or fashion do I always lose those I love and need the most..I can't bear it..my heart can't take this Lord...I see myself in this moment and I have no idea how I got here...who am I...I am glad I have You Lord such an understatement...I am here to learn Lord...I don't want to be hurting right now..but also I want to feel this all fully so that I can heal completely.....had a good talk with two people and they said in some form the measure of pain is the measure of love we had for them....oh how I loved..I mean love..I am surrendering this to You precious Lord..breath new life in me...and please watch over my friend...my soul was clouded but no one ever or will ever know my heart so well..I know this deep within me to be true. I need miracles...I need a job...I need a heavenly appointed task to distract me from myself..my silly self...thank you for you your patience Lord I know I am ridiculous...less words now..
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Friday, January 14, 2011
friends
Taking application for loyal trustworthy friend..must love life and love God.
Loves adventures.Desperately seeking the heart of God. Understands imperfections but not afraid to exhort and correct me when I'm erred.
Will come visit me in a nursing home.when I get old.just so I don't have to be alone..even if I' m crazy or can't hear or speak..and can actually imagine being my friend this long....
Hehe.. I know this is silly but I am asking God for a friend like this and I do know that I already have some great friends now....
Loves adventures.Desperately seeking the heart of God. Understands imperfections but not afraid to exhort and correct me when I'm erred.
Will come visit me in a nursing home.when I get old.just so I don't have to be alone..even if I' m crazy or can't hear or speak..and can actually imagine being my friend this long....
Hehe.. I know this is silly but I am asking God for a friend like this and I do know that I already have some great friends now....
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excited!
I received an email from an international school that wants us to consider being dorm parents in Malaysia and possibly nurses.
I do not know if this is something we will do in the future but I got suddenly excited. I am not even 30 years old and I have lived a rich life.
I am blessed. I have the perfect husband even today my friend said" have you figure out what egg he came from" hehe! Jason always lifts me up at the perfect moments. My heart is very fragile right now and I am so thankful that he is helping me. Thank you God for the work you have done in his life to make him such a devoted husband and man of God.
I lvoe watching Chrsitopher and I realise he has a very rich little life too. I want to protect him a lot but also I see how God is going to use the work that we are doing to prepare him to do more amazing things than Jason or I could ever do.....he is such a little firecracker!
Here are some things that I want to pursue more, to better my life and the life of those around me.
1. run a marathon
2. volunteer weekly at christophers school
3. save more money
4. go back to school
5. have a baby...hehe! well not sure about this one yet! depends on number 6
6. lose weight and be stronger...15 lbs and gain muscle.
7. Study the Old testament and get a MDiv.
8. Travel internationally with Chris and Jason before the end of the year.
9. grow in my relationship with christ and make him priority!
10 Take my husband on a second honeymoon.
111. Take a family trip with some good friends.
Thank you Lord for this very busy day. I exhausted the hours quite well. Bless this home. Bless these kids.
Note: One of my kids today said, in regards to some of her decisions she recently made, only being 13, she said I have reached that time in my life where I really dont care anymore.
Oh God I felt your heart break when you heard this. I feel like I am called to be a houseparent to bring good news into their lives and to help them see they have such potential..light a little fire inside them..and that light has to be JESUS..I BEG YOU TO TEACH ME HOW TO DO THIS>>SEE PAST THEIR HURT AND BEHAVIORS AND let me see their heart. I thank you that you did and do that for me.
Lord give me a blessed week with my family.
I love you LORD. Krissy
I do not know if this is something we will do in the future but I got suddenly excited. I am not even 30 years old and I have lived a rich life.
I am blessed. I have the perfect husband even today my friend said" have you figure out what egg he came from" hehe! Jason always lifts me up at the perfect moments. My heart is very fragile right now and I am so thankful that he is helping me. Thank you God for the work you have done in his life to make him such a devoted husband and man of God.
I lvoe watching Chrsitopher and I realise he has a very rich little life too. I want to protect him a lot but also I see how God is going to use the work that we are doing to prepare him to do more amazing things than Jason or I could ever do.....he is such a little firecracker!
Here are some things that I want to pursue more, to better my life and the life of those around me.
1. run a marathon
2. volunteer weekly at christophers school
3. save more money
4. go back to school
5. have a baby...hehe! well not sure about this one yet! depends on number 6
6. lose weight and be stronger...15 lbs and gain muscle.
7. Study the Old testament and get a MDiv.
8. Travel internationally with Chris and Jason before the end of the year.
9. grow in my relationship with christ and make him priority!
10 Take my husband on a second honeymoon.
111. Take a family trip with some good friends.
Thank you Lord for this very busy day. I exhausted the hours quite well. Bless this home. Bless these kids.
Note: One of my kids today said, in regards to some of her decisions she recently made, only being 13, she said I have reached that time in my life where I really dont care anymore.
Oh God I felt your heart break when you heard this. I feel like I am called to be a houseparent to bring good news into their lives and to help them see they have such potential..light a little fire inside them..and that light has to be JESUS..I BEG YOU TO TEACH ME HOW TO DO THIS>>SEE PAST THEIR HURT AND BEHAVIORS AND let me see their heart. I thank you that you did and do that for me.
Lord give me a blessed week with my family.
I love you LORD. Krissy
Thursday, January 13, 2011
And end for a new beginning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2010 was a year that I surprised myself.
I realized that I had a great capacity and ability to do some very hard things. We began the journey of being houseparents....and although it was a hard road I learned alot. It bought many blessings, of which I know have many wonderful children in my heart. I was able to be a mother to some great kids. As we journey into 2011, I am excited for the other children that will come into our lives. I know they will bless us, stretched us and God will be with us along the way. I surprised myself by being able to partake in this new mission field and I/Jason are loving it and growing everyday.
On the other hand, I surprised myself negatively as well. I am seeing the painful result of not following completely in His will. But 2011 will be a year of redemption and healing. I will walk into relationships and circumstances with a renewed mind and heart. I am daily seeking to be transformed by Jesus. I have learned in my life that when I go through hard things, it is for HIM to strengthen me and make me more ready, sensitive to His voice.....challenge me to stay under GOD's protective plan/laws. These are painful lessons to learn sometimes but ultimately I am SO very thankful for them. It reaffirms to me that I need to put 100 percent dependence on Him. I will be fasting next week over these items and I already feel better, making a determined effort to follow him and make corrections, according to HIS will for me.
More later..........
I realized that I had a great capacity and ability to do some very hard things. We began the journey of being houseparents....and although it was a hard road I learned alot. It bought many blessings, of which I know have many wonderful children in my heart. I was able to be a mother to some great kids. As we journey into 2011, I am excited for the other children that will come into our lives. I know they will bless us, stretched us and God will be with us along the way. I surprised myself by being able to partake in this new mission field and I/Jason are loving it and growing everyday.
On the other hand, I surprised myself negatively as well. I am seeing the painful result of not following completely in His will. But 2011 will be a year of redemption and healing. I will walk into relationships and circumstances with a renewed mind and heart. I am daily seeking to be transformed by Jesus. I have learned in my life that when I go through hard things, it is for HIM to strengthen me and make me more ready, sensitive to His voice.....challenge me to stay under GOD's protective plan/laws. These are painful lessons to learn sometimes but ultimately I am SO very thankful for them. It reaffirms to me that I need to put 100 percent dependence on Him. I will be fasting next week over these items and I already feel better, making a determined effort to follow him and make corrections, according to HIS will for me.
More later..........
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
healing
How do you heal from pain you caused yourself....how do you heal a wound so deep in your heart that it feels the only way to heal it is to remove it???? That is why I am a Christian...because I cannot do these things..only god can!
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Tuesday, January 4, 2011
a new year to fall more and more in LOVE
As this new year begins, I am trying to think of all the possibilities and dreams that I have. I love to dream and wonder. I am so excited. I am confident in God and his ability...I am shocked that He chooses to use me...but its those days when I have reached my limit that I see GODS PLAN the most because I know it is HIM at work and not little old me.
I was hummimg this song tonight and then I decided to look closely at the lyrics...This song is the prayer of my heart for this next year...and the rest of my life...as i seek to know God more I see the world so much clearer...I am not struggling as much with my own stupid sins and desires...I am more aware of the needs of others....I see HIS plans for the world and even myself....I thank God that he lets me come close to him....I am so glad that I just dont have head knowledge about JESUS but I have heart knowledge. I am so thankful that HE will never leave me...he will never abandon or disappoint me...even though I at times will....I love you JESUS...I thank you for letting me be your daughter. I thank you for my friends and pray for those who do not yet know you or really capture the essence of a life in you...I pray that you will help me live more BOLDLY AND LOUDLY for you..and draw others to your LOVE FORGIVENESS GRACE MERCY....you are so beautiful...I will set my eyes on you from now on .....I will fall more in love with you....and only you....and set my mind and heart toward heaven Thank you for this new year....I love the smell of new things coming.................................................yippee..so excited daddy.
To know you is never worry for my life, and To know you is to never to give in or compromise To know you is to want to tell the world about you Cause I can't live without you To know you is to hear your voice when you are calling To know you is to catch my brother when he is falling To know you is to feel the pain of the broken hearted Cause they can't live with out you. More than my next breath More than life or death All reaching for, I live my life to know you more I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies To know you is to want to know you more To know you is to want to know you more To know you is to ache for more than ordinary To know you is to look beyond the temporary To know you is believing that you will be enough Cause there is no life without you More than my next breath More than life or death All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies To know you is to want to know you more To know you is to want to know you more All this life could offer me, could not compare to you Compare to you And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you Knowing you More than my next breath More than life or death All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies To know you is to want to know you more To know you is to want to know you more Compared to you Compared to you And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you Knowing you And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you Knowing you
I was hummimg this song tonight and then I decided to look closely at the lyrics...This song is the prayer of my heart for this next year...and the rest of my life...as i seek to know God more I see the world so much clearer...I am not struggling as much with my own stupid sins and desires...I am more aware of the needs of others....I see HIS plans for the world and even myself....I thank God that he lets me come close to him....I am so glad that I just dont have head knowledge about JESUS but I have heart knowledge. I am so thankful that HE will never leave me...he will never abandon or disappoint me...even though I at times will....I love you JESUS...I thank you for letting me be your daughter. I thank you for my friends and pray for those who do not yet know you or really capture the essence of a life in you...I pray that you will help me live more BOLDLY AND LOUDLY for you..and draw others to your LOVE FORGIVENESS GRACE MERCY....you are so beautiful...I will set my eyes on you from now on .....I will fall more in love with you....and only you....and set my mind and heart toward heaven Thank you for this new year....I love the smell of new things coming.................................................yippee..so excited daddy.
To know you is never worry for my life, and To know you is to never to give in or compromise To know you is to want to tell the world about you Cause I can't live without you To know you is to hear your voice when you are calling To know you is to catch my brother when he is falling To know you is to feel the pain of the broken hearted Cause they can't live with out you. More than my next breath More than life or death All reaching for, I live my life to know you more I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies To know you is to want to know you more To know you is to want to know you more To know you is to ache for more than ordinary To know you is to look beyond the temporary To know you is believing that you will be enough Cause there is no life without you More than my next breath More than life or death All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies To know you is to want to know you more To know you is to want to know you more All this life could offer me, could not compare to you Compare to you And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you Knowing you More than my next breath More than life or death All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies To know you is to want to know you more To know you is to want to know you more Compared to you Compared to you And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you Knowing you And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you Knowing you
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