Thursday, March 20, 2014
BE THE CHURCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This week is just reminding me that the BODY OF CHRIST cannot be confined within the walls of a particular church...we are priveleged to work and minister with various churches and mission organizations....all a part of bringing others to the saving knowledge of Jesus and shine God's love like a CITY ON A HILL...God loves his church, wherever his children are present.....in a barrio in Mexico at a church with no roof, at a mega church with 4000 believers in El Paso, at a concert of great instrumentalists in Tucson Az at the Annie Moses concert, on the street with a homeless woman who has no church, in the van listening to worship with your family, at a YWAM base doing inventory of midwife supplies with missionaries preparing for the next outreach, over the phone with a dear friend praying for a need in your life, at a small group in Iowa, WHEREVER you are....GOD INHABITS THE PRAISES OF HIS PEOPLE.....and HIS ADORES HIS CHILDREN AND IS PASSIONATELY PURSUING THEM to a genuine love relationship with all His kiddos. Do you know what Im talking about friends? Have you felt the touch of God on your heart calling you to HIM? I pray yes, for He has a love to give you that is like no other....and I cant imagine heaven without you friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Mother Theresa
A devout Catholic woman with the rare quality and ability to love the least of these and live among them as though they not only were her ministry but her family!!!!!!!!!!!!
https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/838305.Mother_Teresahttps://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/838305.Mother_Teresa
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Pauls Thorn
or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh,a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions,in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
7-10 Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
https://vimeo.com/67221699 Sermon by Todd Leet called BOUND.
a few seconds ago
Monday, March 3, 2014
That first night!
It was an ordinary evening. Homework had been completed. A family dinner was served. Dishes still lay in the sink to be cleaned later. Two sisters play together. Imaginations run. A little pillow fight ensues. There is laughter. Joys fills the air between two sisters.
But in a instant one little sisters world changes forever.
The little sister is beckoned upstairs by BIG sister. Not thinking anything. She quickly runs upstairs to see what is needed her. Must be important or necessary to interrupt their fun play time.
But what happens next is never expected or imagined.
A stranger stands in the living room. Mommy and daddy are sitting on the coach. Its hard to remember who begins speaking. Its hard to remember exactly what is said.
The little girl is having a hard time comprehending.But she does sense the seriousness of the moment. She realizes quickly the lask of control she has. I dont even think she utters a word. She stares down. She looks down at the white sweatshirt she is wearing with little polar bears ice skating on an ice rink. She escapes for a moment from the present moment lost in a silly thought. "Polar bears dont really ice skate, do they?" And why do they only have a scarf on them?" Hum. But those silly thoughts quickly fade as she refocuses on the words of the stranger standing in her living room. The little girl is trying to listen. But everything being said is foreign. What is she saying? Where am I going?
She is afraid to look at mommy? She is scared to look at daddy? But why are they not saying anything?Harsh things have been said before and threats have been frequently made between all family members, but anger always subsides, rivers of tears always culminate with an early bedtime and then the next day is better or at least starts calmer.
The little girl senses though this is a different night. The comfort of a bed and early bed time is not going to fix this night.
The tears start to flow from the little girls eyes. The little girl is not so sure how to process these tears because she really doesnt understand.
What does this mean? What are you saying strange lady standing in my living room? Daddy why arent you saying anything? Mommy why are you nodding your head? Mommy why do you seem so calm? Where is my sister? We were just having a pillow fight. What is happening?
Even a young little girl who knows that her biological mom gave her up to a new family, doesnt understand the words or directions that are being given to her now.She has to leave? Why? What did she do?
What does this stranger mean she will have to go? What does she mean that the little girl has to go away for a little bit?
Why isnt daddy saying anything? She wipes away her tears and tries to utter something. The little girls mommy finally says something......
"She never cries..this is the first time." The little girl knows this is not true, for her mommy has taught her that tears do not mean anything, so she goes to bed and soaks her pillow sheets with her tears. Only God knows this little girls heart.
Her mommy has taught her to be tough, not soft hearted. The little girl knows that soft hearts make you experience pain. So the little girl is strong, tough, and emotionless as much as possible. She is rough and cold to protect herself. The little girl knows that when you love someone, you will experience pain or loss if you love too much. So she tries not to do these things much.
Her daddy has a few tears in his eyes. It seems that he is trying to hide them. He is trying to be quiet. He is trying to be submissive. He is trying to not feel this moment. When the little girl looks at her daddy, she thinks he is miles away from this moment. She doesnt know it, but she sees hopelessness in his eyes. She sees a pain so deeply marked on his soul, that she sees only the skeleton of her daddy. She only sees the numb version of her beloved fun daddy.
More words are spoken but by this time, the little girl now has tunnel vision. She can hardly see anything. The little girl is almost floating out of her body trying to process with her 7 year old mind what exactly is happening.
She hardly remembers saying goodbye. She doesnt remember it because she doesnt accept it even if this strange women says it only for a "little while."
The car is cold. The air is cold. The little girl shivers. She sits in the front seat. She is small and fragile and emotionless. She is trying to convince herself this is not real. Like the time her parents dropped her off on the side of the road and drove away. They came back a few hours later. Or the time they took her to a
hospital and doctors did all these tests on her. They came back when the doctors said she needed to go home. Or the time they left her at her aunt and uncles home for a few weeks. She had a great time with them. But she also had no idea of why she was there. They came back then too.
The little girl was lost in her thoughts.....I want to go home. I know my mommy and daddy fight. I know that I make mistakes and lie and steal sometimes. I know that I am a bad kid. I know that it is hard to love me. I know my mommy cries a lot. I know that my daddy gets really mad sometimes and throws me on the bed. I know the only time we act like a family is when we go to church on Sundays. But we are a family. Mommy and Daddy adopted me from Mexico and saved me from death and promised to love me forever. Maybe mommy and daddy need help. Who is going to help us? When will I see them again?
Then her thoughts turn even more dark and hopeless.....I AM BAD...I DID DO THIS TO MY FAMILY....I DONT DESERVE A FAMILY....I SHOULD BE ALONE....I AM NOT LOVED...I DO NOT HAVE VALUE....I AM A BAD KID....ONLY JESUS LOVES ME, NO ONE CAN HUMANLY LOVE THIS UGLY SKINNY GIRL.....
They are driving so slow. It is taking forever. Where are we going? She looks out the window. She sees the green signs pass by. She cant see the words on the signs through her tear filled eyes.
HATRED starts to grow in her heart. Not to her mommy. Not to her daddy. Not to her sister. It is a deep inward hate. Before the car arrives at her destination, this little girl has fully come to terms with the fact that she is not lovable, she is disgusting, she was a great mistake on this earth, and she is forever to be alone because she doesnt need to bother anyone with her ugliness and worthlessness.
The car is parked. A little girl, who was a few short hours ago filled with mischevious joy playing pillow fight with her big sister, opens the car door and steps out a numb silhouette of small hopeless child.
After a few knocks on the door , a curly haired sweet looking woman opens the door.
"Well hello my name is Margaret." She seems overly excited for the specifc reason of this particular first meeting.
The woman looks safe and friendly. The little girl is not scared to be in this home. She is just numb. She walks into the home seeing lots of other kids playing in various rooms. Words are shared between the strange woman and the curly haired woman.
Without knowing what else to say and trying to make the little girl feel safe, she says "we made you a cake."
The little girl thinks that is so strange. No one has ever made her a cake. Isnt it strange, the little girl thinks, to make me a cake, especially tonight.
The curly haired woman cuts her a piece puts it on a small plate and hands it to her, while the strange woman says her goodbyes. The girls is so numb to her that she doesnt acknowledge this woman and the little girl has no words.
There are other kids some smaller than her and some older than her. The curly haired woman quickly tells the little girl their names. The little girls is not really listening. One girl she remembers. She is older than her big sister. The curly haired woman says, and this Kristina. We call her Krissy. So we will call her BIG KRISSY now and you can be little Krissy. The foster dad chimes in and says I like it...Big Krissy and Little Krissy. He is trying to make a tense moment a little less awkward. The little girl thinks to herself. I dont really care what her name is. I dont care what you call her or what you call me, because I am only here a little bit like the strange woman said.
More small talk ensues and then somehow the little girl ends up in the basement....She is directed to her bed. A wooden bunk bed. The little girl is instructed to sleep on the the top bunk. The little girl has nothing to change into for the night. So after a little more small talk by the curly haired woman, she climbs into the bed and lays down. The thought crosses the little girls mind. I didnt brush my teeth. I have never gone to bed without brushing my teeth first. Mommy usually makes me brush twice.
And then that insignificant detail passes as the little girl lies on her back and stares straight up to the ceiling. There are various shadows on the wall from the light coming in the window. The little girl takes in the new scents, the new texture of her bedding. Then a strong wave of anxiety crosses over her, and tears begin to stream....."Where is my Grandpa Lion?", a little lion animal she got from her grandpa before he died, which she sleeps with every night.
Tears flow even more.....but because of the numbness of her heart, the inability to underdstand this moment....she doesnt know why the tears stream.
The little girl flips over, now scared of the shadows painted on the ceiling, and buries her head in her pillow.She begins to cry, a deep cry revealing a pain she has never experienced before. She bites her pillow. She tries not to cry loudly. The other girls are in the other room listening to music and putting on makeup. She doesnt want them to hear her cry. She doesnt want them to come over to her and try to console her or tell her it will be okay. Because nothing can help her sadness. And for some reason, this little girl feels a deep responsibility to these tears. She owns them in the sense that she believes she is only crying and is only in this situation because she was such a BAD GIRL.....The record starts to play in her mind. BAD GIRL...you deserve this....you dont deserve to cry because she caused this to herself.
Time passes so slowly and the night air is so cold and dark. Eventually the little girl falls asleep, only to wake up the next morning in the same bed,with a broken heart, a long journey ahead, and many more years a head filled with deep pain, abuse, and hurt.........
(I end here only to continue the rest of the story later...the redemptive story of this little girl to true healing and love realized........There was much more pain and abuse before healing and salvation for this little girl. Only a patient reader and hopeful person can continue on with this little girls story......but eventually this little girl meets her SAVIOR truly, not just from Bible stories told at Sunday school, but life played out in all its equal ugliness and beauty. )
To be continued........
This story is a true story...This night was March 3, 1991. The little girl was 7 years old. This little girl is 30 years old, a mother of two and wife of a great man. On the 23rd anniversary of the day my life changed forever, I give thanks to my God and the great people of my life that helped bring me to Him and showed me that I could be loved truly.
May you experience this healing. The older I get the more I see that my past hurts and experiences are not unique. WE have all experienced deep hurts and will continue to experience pain as long as we are in these earthly bodies.....BUT GOD IS OUR SAVIOR and he loves us...we cannot escape His love. He will never leave us.....we are His children.....and he will passionately pursue a deep and loving relationship with Him until our last breath.. I hope from this raw testimony you will accept His love and know that even in the greatest ugliness of our lives...there can be hope and it is only be fond in GOD!
Be blessed....even in your storms
Krissy Molander.....formerly
Sonia Avila Eugenia Soto
Krissy Michelle Chenoweth- Todd-Stone
But in a instant one little sisters world changes forever.
The little sister is beckoned upstairs by BIG sister. Not thinking anything. She quickly runs upstairs to see what is needed her. Must be important or necessary to interrupt their fun play time.
But what happens next is never expected or imagined.
A stranger stands in the living room. Mommy and daddy are sitting on the coach. Its hard to remember who begins speaking. Its hard to remember exactly what is said.
The little girl is having a hard time comprehending.But she does sense the seriousness of the moment. She realizes quickly the lask of control she has. I dont even think she utters a word. She stares down. She looks down at the white sweatshirt she is wearing with little polar bears ice skating on an ice rink. She escapes for a moment from the present moment lost in a silly thought. "Polar bears dont really ice skate, do they?" And why do they only have a scarf on them?" Hum. But those silly thoughts quickly fade as she refocuses on the words of the stranger standing in her living room. The little girl is trying to listen. But everything being said is foreign. What is she saying? Where am I going?
She is afraid to look at mommy? She is scared to look at daddy? But why are they not saying anything?Harsh things have been said before and threats have been frequently made between all family members, but anger always subsides, rivers of tears always culminate with an early bedtime and then the next day is better or at least starts calmer.
The little girl senses though this is a different night. The comfort of a bed and early bed time is not going to fix this night.
The tears start to flow from the little girls eyes. The little girl is not so sure how to process these tears because she really doesnt understand.
What does this mean? What are you saying strange lady standing in my living room? Daddy why arent you saying anything? Mommy why are you nodding your head? Mommy why do you seem so calm? Where is my sister? We were just having a pillow fight. What is happening?
Even a young little girl who knows that her biological mom gave her up to a new family, doesnt understand the words or directions that are being given to her now.She has to leave? Why? What did she do?
What does this stranger mean she will have to go? What does she mean that the little girl has to go away for a little bit?
Why isnt daddy saying anything? She wipes away her tears and tries to utter something. The little girls mommy finally says something......
"She never cries..this is the first time." The little girl knows this is not true, for her mommy has taught her that tears do not mean anything, so she goes to bed and soaks her pillow sheets with her tears. Only God knows this little girls heart.
Her mommy has taught her to be tough, not soft hearted. The little girl knows that soft hearts make you experience pain. So the little girl is strong, tough, and emotionless as much as possible. She is rough and cold to protect herself. The little girl knows that when you love someone, you will experience pain or loss if you love too much. So she tries not to do these things much.
Her daddy has a few tears in his eyes. It seems that he is trying to hide them. He is trying to be quiet. He is trying to be submissive. He is trying to not feel this moment. When the little girl looks at her daddy, she thinks he is miles away from this moment. She doesnt know it, but she sees hopelessness in his eyes. She sees a pain so deeply marked on his soul, that she sees only the skeleton of her daddy. She only sees the numb version of her beloved fun daddy.
More words are spoken but by this time, the little girl now has tunnel vision. She can hardly see anything. The little girl is almost floating out of her body trying to process with her 7 year old mind what exactly is happening.
She hardly remembers saying goodbye. She doesnt remember it because she doesnt accept it even if this strange women says it only for a "little while."
The car is cold. The air is cold. The little girl shivers. She sits in the front seat. She is small and fragile and emotionless. She is trying to convince herself this is not real. Like the time her parents dropped her off on the side of the road and drove away. They came back a few hours later. Or the time they took her to a
hospital and doctors did all these tests on her. They came back when the doctors said she needed to go home. Or the time they left her at her aunt and uncles home for a few weeks. She had a great time with them. But she also had no idea of why she was there. They came back then too.
The little girl was lost in her thoughts.....I want to go home. I know my mommy and daddy fight. I know that I make mistakes and lie and steal sometimes. I know that I am a bad kid. I know that it is hard to love me. I know my mommy cries a lot. I know that my daddy gets really mad sometimes and throws me on the bed. I know the only time we act like a family is when we go to church on Sundays. But we are a family. Mommy and Daddy adopted me from Mexico and saved me from death and promised to love me forever. Maybe mommy and daddy need help. Who is going to help us? When will I see them again?
Then her thoughts turn even more dark and hopeless.....I AM BAD...I DID DO THIS TO MY FAMILY....I DONT DESERVE A FAMILY....I SHOULD BE ALONE....I AM NOT LOVED...I DO NOT HAVE VALUE....I AM A BAD KID....ONLY JESUS LOVES ME, NO ONE CAN HUMANLY LOVE THIS UGLY SKINNY GIRL.....
They are driving so slow. It is taking forever. Where are we going? She looks out the window. She sees the green signs pass by. She cant see the words on the signs through her tear filled eyes.
HATRED starts to grow in her heart. Not to her mommy. Not to her daddy. Not to her sister. It is a deep inward hate. Before the car arrives at her destination, this little girl has fully come to terms with the fact that she is not lovable, she is disgusting, she was a great mistake on this earth, and she is forever to be alone because she doesnt need to bother anyone with her ugliness and worthlessness.
The car is parked. A little girl, who was a few short hours ago filled with mischevious joy playing pillow fight with her big sister, opens the car door and steps out a numb silhouette of small hopeless child.
After a few knocks on the door , a curly haired sweet looking woman opens the door.
"Well hello my name is Margaret." She seems overly excited for the specifc reason of this particular first meeting.
The woman looks safe and friendly. The little girl is not scared to be in this home. She is just numb. She walks into the home seeing lots of other kids playing in various rooms. Words are shared between the strange woman and the curly haired woman.
Without knowing what else to say and trying to make the little girl feel safe, she says "we made you a cake."
The little girl thinks that is so strange. No one has ever made her a cake. Isnt it strange, the little girl thinks, to make me a cake, especially tonight.
The curly haired woman cuts her a piece puts it on a small plate and hands it to her, while the strange woman says her goodbyes. The girls is so numb to her that she doesnt acknowledge this woman and the little girl has no words.
There are other kids some smaller than her and some older than her. The curly haired woman quickly tells the little girl their names. The little girls is not really listening. One girl she remembers. She is older than her big sister. The curly haired woman says, and this Kristina. We call her Krissy. So we will call her BIG KRISSY now and you can be little Krissy. The foster dad chimes in and says I like it...Big Krissy and Little Krissy. He is trying to make a tense moment a little less awkward. The little girl thinks to herself. I dont really care what her name is. I dont care what you call her or what you call me, because I am only here a little bit like the strange woman said.
More small talk ensues and then somehow the little girl ends up in the basement....She is directed to her bed. A wooden bunk bed. The little girl is instructed to sleep on the the top bunk. The little girl has nothing to change into for the night. So after a little more small talk by the curly haired woman, she climbs into the bed and lays down. The thought crosses the little girls mind. I didnt brush my teeth. I have never gone to bed without brushing my teeth first. Mommy usually makes me brush twice.
And then that insignificant detail passes as the little girl lies on her back and stares straight up to the ceiling. There are various shadows on the wall from the light coming in the window. The little girl takes in the new scents, the new texture of her bedding. Then a strong wave of anxiety crosses over her, and tears begin to stream....."Where is my Grandpa Lion?", a little lion animal she got from her grandpa before he died, which she sleeps with every night.
Tears flow even more.....but because of the numbness of her heart, the inability to underdstand this moment....she doesnt know why the tears stream.
The little girl flips over, now scared of the shadows painted on the ceiling, and buries her head in her pillow.She begins to cry, a deep cry revealing a pain she has never experienced before. She bites her pillow. She tries not to cry loudly. The other girls are in the other room listening to music and putting on makeup. She doesnt want them to hear her cry. She doesnt want them to come over to her and try to console her or tell her it will be okay. Because nothing can help her sadness. And for some reason, this little girl feels a deep responsibility to these tears. She owns them in the sense that she believes she is only crying and is only in this situation because she was such a BAD GIRL.....The record starts to play in her mind. BAD GIRL...you deserve this....you dont deserve to cry because she caused this to herself.
Time passes so slowly and the night air is so cold and dark. Eventually the little girl falls asleep, only to wake up the next morning in the same bed,with a broken heart, a long journey ahead, and many more years a head filled with deep pain, abuse, and hurt.........
(I end here only to continue the rest of the story later...the redemptive story of this little girl to true healing and love realized........There was much more pain and abuse before healing and salvation for this little girl. Only a patient reader and hopeful person can continue on with this little girls story......but eventually this little girl meets her SAVIOR truly, not just from Bible stories told at Sunday school, but life played out in all its equal ugliness and beauty. )
To be continued........
This story is a true story...This night was March 3, 1991. The little girl was 7 years old. This little girl is 30 years old, a mother of two and wife of a great man. On the 23rd anniversary of the day my life changed forever, I give thanks to my God and the great people of my life that helped bring me to Him and showed me that I could be loved truly.
These have been healing songs to my heart as I have worked through my life since this traumatic
"FIRST NIGHT" God is so good. He has shown himself so strongly. He has healed me and continues to speak to me though the storms and rainbows of life.There have been many of both. I am blessed to be alive. I have a great family.Yes, I have old haunt but I am blessed to have found someone who unconditionally loves meMay you experience this healing. The older I get the more I see that my past hurts and experiences are not unique. WE have all experienced deep hurts and will continue to experience pain as long as we are in these earthly bodies.....BUT GOD IS OUR SAVIOR and he loves us...we cannot escape His love. He will never leave us.....we are His children.....and he will passionately pursue a deep and loving relationship with Him until our last breath.. I hope from this raw testimony you will accept His love and know that even in the greatest ugliness of our lives...there can be hope and it is only be fond in GOD!
Be blessed....even in your storms
Krissy Molander.....formerly
Sonia Avila Eugenia Soto
Krissy Michelle Chenoweth- Todd-Stone
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